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A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine
alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the
blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes
at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big
one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist
deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly
toward her.
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank.
Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement.
Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out,
"Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!!!"
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A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over!!!!"
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts."
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."
Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts!"
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."
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A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, the
wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and
said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some young woman wanting to know if the
coast is clear."
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Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this
person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The
second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
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A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to
his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so
she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
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A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them. "A friend says, "O.K., what's the capital of
Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy, W."
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What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
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A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry
herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state
trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was
stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving
along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the
right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved
to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was........"
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off. "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles.
That was your air freshener swinging back and forth".
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I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
-she called me to get my phone number.
-she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
-she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
-she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
-she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
- she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- she tried to drown a fish.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
- if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
- they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
- she tripped over a cordless phone.
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put Sagittarius."
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
- she studied for a blood test.
- she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
- she sold the car for gas money.
- when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home. |
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